I think the more I try to trust and give "benefit of the doubt" to people, the more I get burned. I still fail to understand (a) why they do it to me, but even more importantly, (b) why I continue to keep trying.
I really, honestly, don't want to end up a bitter person. I really, honestly want to care about people. And I have no ability to comprehend the hate that some of them seem to be hell-bent on spreading.
I know this life is just temporary, anyway. And that, in (X amount of time), it won't mean anything. And that there are bigger, better things...but sometimes, I can't really help but need to express my frustration over the absolute crap some people seem insistent on spreading.
ETA: it saddens, and yes, angers, me, that people over 30 can still act like children when it comes to understanding, forgiveness, etc. None of us are not human, none of us don't fuck up now & then. Particularly of irritation to me are those who would enter the medical field yet would completely discount the validity of clinical depression in someone's life experience, and still write them off as "an attention whore." May you and yours never experience the same, is all I can say. And bite my tongue, further than that.
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I have to call it like I see it. The reason why they discount it is because then they can slip out of having to be supportive or deal with it. My father did this to me, even going so far as to mercilessly taunt me because I started taking zoloft so I'd quit having unprovoked panic attacks (sudden uncontrolled adrenaline rush) that would wake me immediately from a deep sleep. I can now sleep through the night without feeling like my heart might burst.
ReplyDeleteI finally got tired of it. In not so Christian terms, I said "Fuck him". I've been kind, tried to educate the man, and he just absolutely refuses to understand. He doesn't LIKE reality because it's uncomfortable and a little frightening.
I like that better than pretending that kittens poop rainbows. Because you find out sooner or later that they don't.